im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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