I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize