Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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