i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
