We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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