I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
