we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
