did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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