We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
