Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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