I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize