During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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