For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
