i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
