Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
