i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
