woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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