So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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