Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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