Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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