Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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