if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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