Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
