The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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