My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
