New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
