Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
