apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
