Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
