YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
