The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
