Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
