I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
