Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is Oprah even human
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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