I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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