My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
