once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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