Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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