I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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