She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
