margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I AM VODKA MAN
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
