i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
