hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
