Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
