nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
