It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
