Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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