i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
