he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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