I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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