Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
