i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh†while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
