I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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