porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize