Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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