so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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