God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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