I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
