He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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