Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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