Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Everclear isn't food dammit
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
