you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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