It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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