i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I touched a dick in church today
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize