Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
