we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
