My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
