Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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