Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
