just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
