Ambien. No doubt about it.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
