Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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