Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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