I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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